Clintonistas brewing Obamachinos?

February 26, 2008 by Frank Gannon | Filed Under Election 2008 

Ben & Jerry recently shook the political world by formally endorsing Barack Obama over Hillary Clinton. As Ben put it (perhaps more sincerely than logically or grammatically): “If there was ever a need for real change, and if there ever was a candidate to inspire us and make that happen, it’s now.”

There seems to be no reason to doubt the integrity of the endorsement, although Conan O’Brian speculated that the reason might have been more commercial — because Baracky Road would be a catchier name for an ice cream than Pantsuits ‘N Cream.

So when I saw a notice that all Starbucks stores would be closed tonight, my first thought was that Howard Schultz might be taking a leaf (or a bean as the case may be) from the Ben and Jerry playbook, and forcing his customers to stay home, put down their copies of Listening is an Act of Love, turn off their Norah Jones CDs, and watch the Senator from Illinois deliver the coup de grace to the Senator from New York in Cleveland.

But it turns out that the reason for the company-wide three and a half hour shutdown (from 5.30-9 pm), presumably including the Starbucks stores at Guantanamo Bay and on the Great Wall of China (there are 10,000 stores in the USA and 5,000 abroad), is the determination of Mr. Schultz, the coffee monolith’s once and future founder/CEO, to remind all the baristas of one simple (but, in fact, immensely complicated) thing: how to make a good cup of joe.

Starbucks may have been able to alter the way we think and speak (and read and listen). But no matter how you pour it —tall, grande, or vente— in the last few years the product has been letting the side down. All that focus on the frappuccino, all that mojo behind the macchiato, all the hours spent powdering the lemon squares, meant that the actual coffee production process had been streamlined to a point that was just this side of Nescafe.

So tonight, via instructional DVDs, Mr. Schultz will pull up the baristas’ worldwide socks via instructional DVDs demonstrating his updated quality standards for “pulling the perfect espresso shot, skillfully creating steamed and foamed milk for every beverage and ensuring that very beverage and every experience is right for every customer, every time.”

And it’s about time, so here’s a tip of the hat to Howard Schultz.

For those who look for stronger brew than the recent Starbucks book choices (Morrie, Listening, and the current Beautiful Boy), allow me to recommend Taylor Clark’s Starbucked, published recently by Little, Brown. It’s highly entertaining and informative and will tell you everything you need to know about coffee from the dawn of time and about commerce since 1983 when Mr. Schultz sipped that Ur espresso in Milan and the rest became history.

PS — for the opportunists among us, Dunkin’ Donuts —in a move that combines equal parts of hubris and opportunism— is taking advantage of the three-hour Starbucks shutdown to offer three-hour 99 cent specials on espresso, latte, and cappuccino.

PPS — far from expecting its devotees to spend those agitated hours watching Democrats debate, Starbucks has thoughtfully suggested ways to make cold turkey seem like fun:

“12,600 Seconds in Time” – 5 GREAT THINGS TO DO IN JUST 3 ½ HOURS
1. Thinking of a change in hair color? A full color with highlights takes just about 3 hours.
2. Watch almost all of the nominated short films.
3. When was the last time you made a home cooked meal? You can roast an 8lb -12lb turkey in 3 ½ hours.
4. What better time to organize those closets, it’s a jump start on spring cleaning.
5. After patiently waiting 12,601 seconds, head to Starbucks to get that espresso!

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