The Not So Fresh Prince

November 13, 2008 by Frank Gannon | Filed Under Comedy, Entertainment 

It strikes me that everything one needs to know about what’s wrong with Prince Charles —why he just hasn’t quite measured up— is conveyed in the official portrait commemorating his 60th birthday today. It was taken by photographer Philip Burnand, a royal favorite, during a photo session last last February at Clarence House, the Prince’s London residence.

He has all the trappings; that’s plain to see. And he is nothing if not committed to the several issues —such as organic agriculture and urban architecture— with which he has become increasingly associated over the last few decades. And there is no doubt that he works long and hard carrying out his official duties. The Prince’s Trust, which he founded in 1976, has become a model of philanthropic success and transparency. He is serious but he somehow seems to lack some element of what it takes to be taken seriously — which is doubly sad because that seems to be what he wants the most.

In fact, the equivocal message sent by his portrait, with its distinctive posture, has a pedigree. It is based on a 19th century portrait —by James Tissot— of Frederick Gustavus Burnaby. Capt. Burnaby was an officer in the Household Cavalry, a celebrated adventurer, a bestselling author, and, reputedly, the strongest man in the British Army (according to legend he once carried a pony under one arm).

But, as The Times adds:

The Prince could hardly have chosen a more colourful character for his inspiration. Educated at Harrow and Oswestry School and in Germany, 6ft 4in Burnaby entered the Royal Horse Guards in 1859 only to find himself frustrated by the lack of active service. Instead, he made the first solo balloon crossing of the English Channel, undertook a 3,000-mile horseback journey across the Russian steppe in winter (the subject of one of his bestselling books), travelled with General Gordon in the Sudan and, as a correspondent for The Times, accompanied the Carlist forces across Spain in 1874 during the Third Carlist War.

So: a damned interesting dude, sort of a Flashman but without the sex, and a man “…frustrated by the lack of active service…” Impressive and accomplished, but hardly a royal exemplar. To have a picture taken in this pose in this get up for private use would be amusing; to have a picture taken in this pose wearing a suit would be an appealing informal snap. But to release this one as the official birthday portrait is a passive-aggressive cry for help.

To be sure, the poor Prince, trapped in his cage —which, far from being gilded, is 24 carat— anxiously awaiting the moment he must dread, is more to be respected than censured.

And the measure of his mettle was tested one night last week when he attended the comedy concert that was part of his official birthday celebrations. The evening was called “We Are Most Amused” (a play on a diary entry made by Queen Victoria, the Prince’s great-great-great-grandmother) and the venue was the New Wimbledon theater.

Perhaps the Prince was lured there on false pretenses — as one of the comedians said, when he heard he was going to a big event at Wimbledon he may have thought of something else entirely.

The gig was headlined by Robin Williams. Much was made of the fact that this was his first major appearance in London since the time he was in Mork and Mindy twenty-seven years ago. In other words, when he was still funny.

These days his manic shtick has worn mighty thin and his material on this night was even thinner. He opened the show by greeting the Prince: “Yo, yo Wales – House of Windsor, keeping it real.” That was about the last of his remarks specifically suited to the event.

He joked about imagining Sarah Palin appearing topless on television and saying, “How do you like my northern slopes now, boys?”

Lacking even the respect to be timely, he joked about President Clinton: “Bill was so unlucky. He found the only Jewish girl who couldn’t get a stain out.”

“Obama,” he said, “is an old Kenyan word for ‘Kennedy’.” With President Bush’s defeat, he assured the audience, “America’s officially out of rehab,” and he added that “Bush can’t go on a speaking tour — that’s a given.”

Joan Rivers kept up this high standard by joking about age. “I hate old people and old people that are proud. ‘I’m 97 years old,’ they say. And you smell.” She said that sex is better when you are older because “we don’t have to change our sheets, the nurses do it for us”

John Clease, who was also on the bill, noted that Joan Rivers was one of the few American women with whom he hadn’t slept.

British comedy was also represented. Bill Bailey has been around for some time and is usually high up on lists of the best comedy acts in Britain. He works with an electric keyboard and incorporates music and sound effects into some of his routines.

The BBC reported that:

At one point Prince Charles nearly fell off his chair as Bailey imagined, on his keyboard, how the Belarussian national anthem might sound.

Here is the routine that all but had a 60 year old man (and the heir to the throne of England) rolling on the floor:

The Iranian comedian Omid Djalili drew laughs from xenophobic rants and ethnic stereotypes; at least he is actually funny:

And the piece de resistance was a “Birthday Blues” composed (in twenty minutes backstage) and performed by Robin Williams and Bill Baley:

Robin Williams and Bill Bailey sang “Birthday Blues,” a twelve-bar blues song improvised backstage…which depicted the Prince looking miserable while sitting in bed with the Duchess of Cornwall. The reason for his bad temper, they sang, was that “Your mother’s got two birthdays/ And you’ve only got one”.

They also imagined the Duke of Edinburgh speaking to his son about the Queen’s decision not to abdicate. “One day you’re going to rule the world/ But you have to hang around/ Because your mother’s not going anywhere/ She ain’t gonna give up that crown.” They also joked that “the one thing that ain’t on the money is that you ain’t even on the money”.

I have no problem with lese majeste —in fact I’m all for it— but this juvenile self-indulgence never even approaches that level.

The poor Prince. Let’s all wish him a very happy birthday.

UPDATE 11/16/08:

In today’s Telegraph there’s this article — which (a) if it’s true and (b) if he succeeds in doing it, will accomplish what all the anti-monarchists have failed at: the end of the British monarchy.

The Prince will break with the tradition which has seen monarchs, including the Queen, remain publicly silent on matters of national and international importance.

His friend and biographer Jonathan Dimbleby said: “There are now discreet moves afoot to redefine the future role of the sovereign so that it would allow King Charles III to speak out on matters of national and international importance in ways that at the moment would be unthinkable.”

The Queen has always ensured that her personal views are only voiced in private to the prime minister of the day and the privy council.

Mr Dimbleby said: “To breach this convention, however cautiously, would represent a seismic shift in the role of the sovereign. He told The Sunday Times it “has the potential to be constitutionally and politically explosive.”

The Prince’s official spokesman denied any knowledge of discussions about his role as king.

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