The Case For Catastrophic Agnosticism

January 15, 2010 by David R. Stokes | Filed Under Ethics, Faith, Lifestyle, Media, Religion | 14 Comments 

Here we go again. While the world watches unspeakable horror unfolding in the wake of the beyond-words tragedy in Haiti, and as millions of people sift through the rumble searching for their loved ones and lives, the predictable idiocy of self-anointed neo-prophets is ever present to tell us exactly why God “did” this. As a minister of the gospel (now in my 33rd year) I am deeply offended each and every time some big giant talking theological T.V. head weighs in and speaks for God as some kind of insider heavenly hedge fund trader.

Of course, you know what I am talking about, right? The other night, Televangelist Pat Robertson waxed un-eloquent about the earthquake in Haiti.

Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. They were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you’ll get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it’s a deal—ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after the other.

So, there we have it. From the mountain. True story (Pat said so). Take it to the bank. Because the Haitians wanted to get out from under “You know, Napoleon III, or whatever,” God sent a great earthquake to kill tens of thousands.

I have a suggestion for Mr. Robertson and others who seem to just wait for opportunities to step up to insert feet in mouth during moments of inexplicable tragedy. Stop and pray—pray a sort-of Serenity Prayer, one that says:

God, grant me the humility to not try to explain what I don’t know; the courage to bear witness to what I do know; and the wisdom to know the difference.

Personally, in such moments as these, I find myself saying, “I don’t know—I simply don’t know,” when asked by a congregant or man on the street about why things like the earthquake in Haiti happen. Sometimes that answer is met by a look that seems to say, “But I thought you were an expert on God?”

No one is an expert on God. That’s what makes him God and me, not.

It is, of course, understandable to want to know why bad things happen to people, but to try to apply anything other than general observations to specific troubles is an exercise in the worst kind of subjectivity. And when a member of the clergy speaks, doing so with the air of authority, it is a grievous sin to give absurd information. While it is never a good idea for the trumpet to give an uncertain sound, it can be just as bad to blare forth with a certainty unwarranted by facts, wisdom, or revelation.

The word “agnostic” literally means, “I don’t know,” and sometimes that’s the best we can do.

But sadly, too many people—especially some who should know better—decide to play the part of Job’s wacky “friends,” explaining it all, the whys and wherefores of trial and triumph. Having suggested a prayer for Pat Robertson, et al, I now have a text. It comes from that very Book of Job, near the end, when reality is starting to make sense to the suffering man.

Job answered: “I’m speechless, in awe—words fail me. I should never have opened my mouth! I’ve talked too much, way too much. I’m ready to shut up and listen.”
 Job 40:3-5 (“The Message”)

Some might wonder about the fact that there were cases back in Bible times, where calamity would come to a city or region as a clear indicator of God’s displeasure. He destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, Nineveh, and even determined captivity in Babylon for the children of Israel. But what must be noticed is that these things never happened without ample warning—complete with undeniable specificity—and merciful opportunity to repent (change their ways).

In fact, in the case of Nineveh, he sent Jonah, a Jewish prophet, with the judgment message, one that included a timeline—in 40 days the city would perish. Jonah was a complicated man, who initially ran from the job. And no one was more surprised than he was when the city bathed itself in warning-driven waters of remission prompting the Lord to stay the city’s execution.

Of course, Jonah wasn’t a happy camper. He wanted the city to burn. The scenario that unfolded before his eyes—one of a faith-driven cultural renewal—didn’t please him at all. And when I hear those who profess faith purporting to explain why God “did it” when bad things happen, I also pick up a hint of Jonah: “They deserve what they got.”

But, some might counter, didn’t Jeremiah preach a message of judgment? Yes. And he wept all the while. There is a vast difference between weeping and the saying of “Amen!” (Which means “so be it” or “I agree” or, in some cases it seems, “see, I told you so!”). There is not a dime’s worth of difference between what Pat Robertson recently said and the ravings of the Reverend Jeremiah Wright. Both preachers presumed to pronounce judgment; only the reasons and regions were different.

And both preachers crossed the line between fair and foul, wisdom and folly, truth and conjecture, and authentic witness and abusive demagoguery.

I have no direct line from God as to why bad things happen, nor does any other preacher today—liberal or conservative. When tragedy comes I don’t ask “why?” —I ask “what for?” And I try to help people through pain. And out of it. The Good Samaritan didn’t launch into a theological or philosophical journey to figure out how such a bad thing could happen to the man on the road, he simply poured in the oil and the wine.

That’s what all people of faith should be doing right now. We don’t know why it happened, but we know what we should do—find a way to help.

What Would Marconi Tweet?

October 3, 2009 by David R. Stokes | Filed Under Culture, Lifestyle, Media, Social Networking, Technology | Leave a Comment 

Next to Jack The Ripper, whose identity remains unknown to this day, the most infamous murderer in British history was a man by the name of Hawley Harvey Crippen. He was a self-styled doctor who practiced a version of homeopathic medicine. He was also married to a woman he grew to hate, eventually killing her and dismembering the body. The quack told friends and neighbors that she had gone to America and died.

Soon, however, suspicion grew that something was awry. Crippen fled across the Atlantic with a paramour, while Scotland Yard investigators examined his home. They found partial remains of the body and began searching for the traveling couple. This was in 1910, just as wireless radio communication was being popularized. In fact, the capture of Crippen was largely due to the use of Mr. Marconi’s technology. Ship after ship passed word along across the Ocean, like runners passing a baton in a relay race, to be on the lookout for the doctor and his companion.

The captain of the SS Montrose had been keeping his eye on a suspicious looking couple on board his vessel, and finally sent the message: “”Have strong suspicions that Crippen London cellar murderer and accomplice are among saloon passengers. Mustache taken off – growing beard. Accomplice dressed as boy. Manner and build undoubtedly a girl.”

Long story short, the law was waiting for Dr. Crippen and company when they arrived in Canada. This story is told famously in Erik Larson’s 2006 book, Thunderstruck. It was a world changing moment. A revolution in communications was underway.

Spark by spark, dot by dot, and dash by dash, the world was becoming smaller.

Recently, while in a hospital waiting room with family members of a wonderful lady who was about to undergo surgery for a serious health issue, I called the group together for prayer. A girl in her late 20s asked me to wait a moment as she fished through her purse.

I wondered why.

Then she held up her combination cell-phone, I-Pod, computer, and device of all trades – one of those hi-tech whachamacallits – and pushed a button. Then she said, “Alright, go ahead.” I prayed, but I was at least a little curious about that gadget. My first thought was that it was a camera. So I kept my eyes closed – you know, to look more spiritual in the picture. But I soon found out that the prayer had not been recorded as an image. Rather it was captured as an audio file via the device’s voice memo feature. Then this prayer was emailed to the patient awaiting surgery. It was my first experience with cyber-supplication. Hers too.

Just when many of us who have been around the proverbial block a few times have made our peace with so many changes in how we live our lives, now comes along a whole new genre of technology and practice to sweep the world and invade our homes, businesses, parishes and pews. And while some are still debating the merits of methods and technologies now already obsolete, we are faced with the challenges and opportunities presented by newer social media vehicles immensely popular right now – like Facebook and Twitter.

But can anything of real and lasting value come from technology that limits information to a mere 140 characters?

Certainly. We regularly see examples of how social media can play a constructive role in society. Last year when a hotel in Mumbai, India was attacked and held for a time by terrorists, the world first found out not via FOX NEWS, CNN, or any other mainstream media outlet. Instead, someone sent a Twitter message (called a “tweet”):

Mumbai is in chaos. 18 dead, 40 held hostage at Oberoi, a five star hotel, firing going on at a JW Marriott.

That message was 107 characters long, and it got the word out about the emerging and ongoing story several hours before any traditional news organization went on the air with it.

Earlier this year, as thousands of Iranians took to the streets in Tehran and elsewhere to protest a clearly corrupt election process, the preponderance of any news we were getting here in the west came via Twitter as courageous people sent messages all over the world.

I am a grandfather six times over. This, by definition means I am an old dog who has difficulty learning new tricks. It is a proven fact that the older we get the harder it is to acquire knowledge and skills on a conceptual level. If you doubt this, prepare to be humbled soon as some five year old gives you a tutorial on a video game.

How much of our resistance to any change is more about the fact that new things intimidate us instead of the well-articulated arguments we pontificate about? “Well, back in my day, we didn’t have sliced bread, or running water. We even had to grow our own oxygen.”

Scott Bettinger, is the President of Echo Media in the Detroit, Michigan area – his company specializes in helping organizations – even churches – tap into the power of technology. He suggests that, whether or not leaders use “social media, at the very least they need to understand it to better understand” their clients and customers.

The first thing we need to know about social media tools is that we must understand their limits – what they can and can’t do. They are designed for attention spans that are very short. And while the Biblical passage John 3:16 in the classic King James Version would fit in one “tweet” at 117 characters, fans of longer literary passages would find themselves increasingly frustrated. The Shakespearian concept that “brevity is the soul of wit” has a found a home in the 21st century.

My personal experience with social media tools started slowly; largely because of generational reluctance. But once I learned my way around, it opened many doors to help me get to know people in my congregation better – and for them to get to know me better. I find it especially rewarding to connect with young people this way. On a daily basis, I can keep up with them, a few sentences at a time. And it usually works out that I am able to have a real conversation the next time we meet in person. “Hey, how was the zoo?” or “Are you feeling better?” or “I read that article you linked to from your Facebook page, very interesting.”

Joe Sangl is a financial planner and author of the wonderful book, I Was Broke – Now I’m Not. He travels across the country conducting seminars. He is also a big fan of social media tools such as Twitter. In fact, he sent me a tweet directly on point as I was writing this article: “Social media amplified the individual voice and allowed us to follow our heroes and learn from them at a distance.”

Of course, as with anything, we must be careful about being preoccupied with anything. We should never worship at the altar of any tool or technology. Twitter, Facebook, computers, televisions, cars – all and any of it can become too important to us. But if we remember to keep such things as servants and not let them become masters our lives can be enriched.

A few months ago, our youngest daughter and her husband gave us our sixth grandchild, a beautiful boy named Tiernan. I was at the hospital, but keeping a wise distance from the festivities. When the baby arrived, I sent out a tweet: “eight pound boy – red hair.” Anyone up at 4:13 a.m. that Saturday got the word. Soon came a picture.

Congratulations poured in – via Twitter, of course.

Then at 7:26 a.m. the very next morning I sent a different kind of message: “Pray for Tiernan Michael Zizolfo, my grandson born yesterday, he has made his way to the NICU. Nothing alarming, but possibly an infection.” All turned out well, but it was comforting to be able to get word to people that quickly.

What Marconi unleashed on the world is still on the march. Sure the lingo can be confusing, I mean who would have guessed 10 years go that we’d have a word like “tweet” in our regular vocabulary? But then again, Mr. Morse’s code was, I’ll just bet, a little hard to figure out at first, too. And remember, when the first telegraph message was sent a little over 165 years ago, between Washington, D.C. and Baltimore, the words were taken from the Bible as a reminder of the potential power of any tool and of the hand of God in and over all: “What God hath wrought.”

If you sent that today as a tweet, you’d have 117 to spare.

Reason To Believe

September 26, 2009 by Frank Gannon | Filed Under Comedy, Entertainment, Humor, Internet, Lifestyle, Sports | Leave a Comment 

Dude Perfect is a collective of six roommates at Texas A+M who have developed what you might call a G-rated family-friendly frat boy version of Jackass.

In their expanding cottage industry, there are no visible tattoos, and nothing is stapled to anything else.  But they manage to retain  a sufficient quota of don’t-try-this-at-home stone craziness to keep the parents worried and the kids engaged.

The question on some of the more than 3 million minds that have viewed the group’s videos —including “the world’s longest basketball shot”—  is whether these dudes are, well, maybe just a tad too perfect.  And the dudes consider it the greatest compliment that their doings are so derring that people aren’t sure they can believe their own eyes.

Here’s the view from the third deck of Kyle Field at College Station:

And here’s the feat viewed from the field:

Based on their other videos, there’s no reason to believe that this one is doctored. (Nor, of course, is there any reason to believe that this one didn’t follow seventeen thousand four hundred and seventy-nine prior unsuccessful attempts at this particular stunt — and what difference would that make if this one is legit?)

The name derives from the moment when Sean, setting up the camera on the railing of Tyler’s backyard deck,  looked thorough the lens and saw his buddy in the center of the frame. “Dude perfect” was his response and the rest is history.

On their impressive website, they introduce themselves this way:

Ultimately, Dude Perfect is a group of college guys that follows Jesus. We didn’t plan on this type of interest in our videos and we’re incredibly grateful. We want to use this platform for something bigger than us.

Right now, that something bigger is the sponsorship of children in Africa through the organization Compassion International.

They started out betting lunches on trick shots in the backyard.  Eventually (“after quite a few free lunches went the bearded guy’s direction”) they decided to make a video and upload it to YouTube.  In the last several months, they’ve broken out with appearances on Good Morning, America (whose computer analysts couldn’t guarantee that the videos are unedited but couldn’t find any edits or figure out how any might have been made) and in Sports Illustrated.

Although they each have definite personalities that emerge in the videos, the ID caption on their website photo reads: “from left to right: this guy, that guy, the bearded one, the tall guy, the next tallest guy, the guy who looks just like the other guy.”

The Way We Were

September 20, 2009 by Frank Gannon | Filed Under Art, Lifestyle, Media, Popular Culture, U.S. History | 1 Comment 

Bernie Fuchs, who showed middle class America the way it wanted to live during the 1950s and then changed the ways Americans looked at sports, died on Thursday at the age of 76.  He was one of the most —if not the most— influential illustrators of the last second half of the 20th Century.

An excellent obituary by Adam Bernstein in today’s Washington Post limns his life and describes his influence:

Mr. Fuchs was adept at balancing art and commerce. He met the needs of mass-circulation magazines accustomed to Norman Rockwell-style realism, but he injected a fresh vitality and impressionism that became hugely popular and transformed the illustration field. He even experimented with bold designs based on the abstract expressionism movement popularized by painters Jackson Pollock and Willem de Kooning.

Norman Rockwell’s 1943 painting “Freedom From Want” —from his Four Freedoms series painted for the Saturday Evening Post based on FDR’s 1941 Message to Congress— is still the idealized iconic version of that American holiday.  (In the same way that his “Freedom of Speech” was, at least until its recent brush with reality, the ideal of what town hall meetings would look like.)

Fuchs’ illustration for a story in the December 1962 issue of  McCall’s magazine paid homage to Rockwell’s vision while updating it and adding some homely touches of reality.

This late-50s ad —one of his many illustrations for Coca-Cola— is full of rich details of the carefree and glamorous middle class lifestyle few attained and most coveted.  Today it looks charmingly innocent; back in the day it was the epitome of hip:

The WaPo obit deconstructed the creative elements of a Fuchs illustration for a McCall’s short story:

One vivid example, commissioned by McCall’s magazine in the late 1950s, was a portrait of two young couples relaxing in a small room after dinner. One man is lying on the ground, his head nestled on a woman’s lap and smoking a cigarette as she strokes his hair.

While the image has the control and realism of Rockwell, it also has several more dynamic features taken from avant-garde techniques: the vigorous brush strokes; the tilted horizon that heightens a sense of drama; a lampshade in the foreground that appears slightly distorted; and, most strikingly, the placement of the couples in the distance instead of being the center of the picture.

By the age of 30, Fuchs had been named Artist of the Year by the Artist’s Guild of New York — the first of many honors that included being one of the youngest inductees into the Society of Illustrators’ Hall of Fame, whose company included Rockwell, N. C. Wyeth, Winslow Homer, and John James Audubon.

Men With Hats: A Fuchs illustration for a late ’50s Seagram’s ad.

Don Draper Please Call Home: a Fuchs Seagram’s ad that could be a story board for Mad Men.

In an interesting obit on his blog Illustration Art, David Apatoff describes the next phase of Fuchs’ career:

So Fuchs was feeling pretty cocky by the time Sports Illustrated called him in the early 1960s to ask him to illustrate an article. Fuchs met with the legendary art director of Sports Illustrated, Richard Gangel. A tough minded visionary, Gangel gave Fuchs an assignment, but as Fuchs was leaving, added– “Oh– and I don’t want that shit you do for McCalls.”

Fuchs could have walked off in a huff. It would have been easy for him to continue working for other clients in the successful style he had already developed. Instead, he rose to Gangel’s challenge and became even bolder and more innovative.

The result was the introduction of an impressionist immediacy that quickly became the gold standard for sports illustration.

Bernie Fuchs painted Sandy Koufax for the cover of SI’s 1964 Baseball Issue.

A Fuchs illustration of a golf match in the rain.

Bernstein quotes illustrator-educator Murray Tinkelman about Fuchs’ long run as the beau ideal of illustration art:

He became the most emulated and imitated illustrator in the field through the 1980s . . . when the vogue turned to more decorative, whimsical, punkier illustrations that were influenced by underground cartoons like those of Robert Crumb.

Fuchs continued to draw and paint into this century.  A retrospective including his later work can be seen here.

Bernie Fuchs’ drawings were used as the cover art for Frank Sinatra’s 1967 LP The World We Knew.

The Way We Live Now

August 18, 2009 by Frank Gannon | Filed Under American Politics, Domestic issues, Lifestyle, Technology | Leave a Comment 

Is it just me, or is there something vaguely unsettling about two guys with a combined age of 154 arguing over Twitter?

“Specter got it all wrong that I ever used words ‘death boards’. Even liberal press never accused me of that. So change ur last Tweet Arlen” — Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-IA), proving he’s not too old to get into a Twitter fight (Wake-Up Call! Twitter-watch).

The Future Lies Ahead

August 4, 2009 by Frank Gannon | Filed Under Lifestyle, Media, Technology | Leave a Comment 

Here is Jason Kilar, Hulu.com’s CEO filling in Charlie Rose on the shape of things to come.  Hulu, which is a joint venture of NBC, ABC, Fox Entertainment, is the Google of the latter day (and remember where you heard about it).   And what’s not to love about a company whose motto is: “An evil plot to destroy the world.  Enjoy.”?

If for nothing else, Hulu should be saluted for providing a replacement for the now tired old chestnut about the Chinese character that means both “crisis” and “opportunity”:

In Mandarin, Hulu has two interesting meanings, each highly relevant to our mission. The primary meaning interested us because it is used in an ancient Chinese proverb that describes the hulu as the holder of precious things. It literally translates to “gourd,” and in ancient times, the hulu was hollowed out and used to hold precious things. The secondary meaning is “interactive recording.” We saw both definitions as appropriate bookends and highly relevant to the mission of Hulu.

The Way We Live Now

July 24, 2009 by Frank Gannon | Filed Under Lifestyle | 3 Comments 

Five days ago, Minnesota newlyweds Jillian Peterson and Kevin Heinz uploaded a video of their 20 June nuptials at St. Paul’s Christ Lutheran Church to YouTube.  It is already closing in on almost five million hits.   And the happy couple have made a big splash in many newspapers and chatted with Matt Lauer on The Today Show.

The bride and groom —both 28— choreographed the aisle entrances of seven bridesmaids, five groomsmen, and four ushers.  Their choice of music was Chris Brown’s “Forever.”

It would be nice to think that this is a charming anomaly.  Far more likely, it is the beginning —and high point— of an unfortunate trend along the lines of applause at funerals.

UPDATE 7/25/09 1 PM: Maarja Krusten’s comment alerted me to Washington Post arts and dance critic Sarah Kaufman’s stylish and insightful column (“Going to the Chapel & We’re Gonna Get Jiggy”) about this video in today’s WaPo.

Peterson danced growing up and told Meredith Vieira and Matt Lauer that she “loved dance as a way to express yourself and share joy.”

And that’s exactly what’s behind the enormous response to their video. It’s all about the joy.

We all know what we’re supposed to do at weddings: Look on politely as a matchy-matchy parade of friends makes its slooooow way down the aisle to Pachelbel’s Canon in D. Try not to giggle. Rise for the bride.

But, by dancing their entrances and sending that upbeat, physical energy right back out to their guests, the Peterson-Heinz wedding turns the rote behaviors into spontaneous reactions. Of course the guests watch attentively as the wedding party bobs in. You can bet not a single child had to be shushed at that point. This was no longer a display of bad posture and dyed-to-match pumps — it was an uplifting swell of celebration with a beat. The bride — unescorted, we note; so independent! — was and wasn’t the center of attention. The true focus was on the unified, wordless but palpable emotions of her whole support system.

It plugs us in to something deeply human. Dancing is how so many cultures have celebrated weddings for eons. Okay, maybe not exactly like this, with the ushers turning their programs into confetti, with one groomsman thrusting a stray flower between his teeth and flinging himself into a handstand, with two of the bridesmaids clasping hands and doing a little riff on swing dancing.

Jill and Kevin claimed to have only had one rehearsal and said the whole group contributed to the choreography. They did an amazing job of it. It builds in force right up until the crowning moment: the pas de deux, where Kevin takes his bride’s arm and they glide in step toward the beaming minister, capturing what Fred Astaire and Cyd Charisse knew in their sweet “Dancing in the Dark” number from the film “The Bandwagon.”   There’s nothing so intimate as a slow stroll. After everyone’s bouncing, that short walk together was terribly moving.

That said —and I couldn’t agree more and no one could have said it better— I still dread the spate of spinoffs to which hapless wedding goers —and YouTube watchers— are about to be subjected.

ROMANCE MEETS REALITY REUPDATE: 7/25/09 4.30 PM: An item from “Page Six” in today’s New York Post titled “ABC Bounces Newlyweds”:

A NEWLYWED couple from Minnesota became the latest victims in the vicious morning TV booking wars, when ABC had them thrown out of their hotel and canceled their airline tickets to fly home.

Kevin and Jill Heinz were left stranded after they committed the unpardonable crime of appearing on NBC as well as ABC. “We’ve been kicked out of our room,” Kevin told Page Six yesterday from the lobby of the Millennium Hotel. “New York is cut-throat. That’s what we’ve learned.”

The Heinzes became a sought-after “get” for ABC’s “Good Morning America” and NBC’s “Today” after the video of their June 20 wedding march — featuring the ushers and bridesmaids doing a funky dance down the aisle — became a sensation on YouTube, with 1.4 million hits.

Producers at “GMA” booked the couple on yesterday’s show, flew them to New York and put them up at the Millennium, but the newlyweds also agreed to pretape an appearance on “Today.”

“We did it by the book,” a “Today” exec told Page Six. “We said, ‘Come in at 6:15 and we’ll have you out by 6:30,’ which is exactly what we did.” But particularly galling to the ABC execs, “Today” aired its Heinz segment before “GMA” put them on air live.

Then, when ABC execs learned that NBC had agreed to fly in the ushers and bridesmaids to reenact their dance with the newlyweds on this morning’s “Today” show, they decided to cancel the couple’s hotel and flights. NBC quickly moved the couple to another hotel and agreed to fly them home tomorrow.

“We figured they’d be happier staying with their whole wedding party on the ‘Today’ show’s tab. It certainly makes us happier,” a “GMA” exec told Page Six.

As for the Heinzes, maybe they picked Chris Brown’s “Forever” as their nuptial dance track because of the lyrics: “We can be two rebels breaking the rules, me and you, you and I.”

FLOTUS 37′S COIFFURE AND AMERICA’S HISTORY

July 4, 2009 by Frank Gannon | Filed Under Culture, Lifestyle, Pat Nixon, U.S. History | Leave a Comment 

Christina Cristoforou’s interesting illustration on the op-ed page of today’s New York Times places our forty-four first ladies’ hair styles in historically cross-hatched perspective.  PN is in the middle of the second row from the bottom.  This reduction doesn’t do justice to the original which can be found here.

Vrrrrroooom To All That

May 29, 2009 by Frank Gannon | Filed Under Energy, Environmental issues, Lifestyle, Music, Obama administration | Leave a Comment 

Daniel Henninger’s “Wonderland” column today —”Obama vs. The Beach Boys – Daddy’s taking the muscle car culture away” — casts a gimlet eye on President Obama’s plans for America’s automobiles. And he doesn’t like what he sees. Not one bit.

When Barack Obama announced that the government will use its fist to wave onto the highways of America cars that get 39 miles to a gallon of liquefied switch grass or something, he said, “Everybody wins.”

Everybody? What country has he been living in? This marks the end of the internal combustion engine as we knew it, and it is the way Americans have defined, designed and literally driven much of the nation’s culture for as long as anyone can remember. Car culture is America’s culture.

Mr. Henninger notes that the President likes to give iPods as gifts.  So he proposes a playlist that might bring him back to his senses.

The first track would be the Beach Boys’ 1964 “Shut Down.”

The second would be their 1963 anthem “Little Deuce Coupe.”

“She’s got a competition clutch with a four on the floor, and she purrs like a kitten til the lake pipes roar.”

It’s 2016. Imagine a Brian Wilson ever thinking to write: “And she’ll have fun, fun, fun til her daddy takes her Prius away.”

At Mr. Obama’s “Everybody wins” announcement ceremony in the Rose Garden, no one knew better how much has been lost than the cowed auto chiefs arrayed behind him. CAFE, the fuel-mileage standards Congress mandated 34 years ago, gradually squeezed the size and life out of America’s cars. But something’s getting phased out here other than gas-fueled cars.

Some of the most famous celebrity converts to the politics behind this new, shrinking world of plug-ins once wrote and sang paeans to muscle cars and a more muscular culture.

The third track would be Bruce Springsteen’s 1975 hit “Born to Run.”

 ”Beyond the Palace hemi-powered drones scream down the boulevard.”

Time was Bruce Springsteen knew that “Jersey boys” mainly meant steel, chrome, rubber and auto tech. Check out the lyrics to “Pink Cadillac” (“but my love is bigger than a Honda”) or the car-crazy “Racing in the Street,” invoking Chevys with 396 Fuelie heads, Hurst speed-shifters and Camaros running “from the fire roads to the interstate.”

The fourth track would be Ronnie and the Daytonas’ 1965 hit “G.T.O.”

“Turn it on, wind it up, blow it out — GTOoooo.”

We are being offered a different world now. One designed, defined and driven by a new set of un-fun obsessions — carbon footprints, greenhouse gas and alternative energy. This large transition passes before us, barely seen, as the gray water of public policy. Hardly anyone notices how much is being changed.

To put a stop to the new sin of spending too much time out on Highway 9, we are getting the mark-up hearings this week in Washington for the Waxman-Markey climate bill. It’s 900 pages long, dripping with thousands of Mickey-Mouse rules to reorder how we live. A Senate Finance Committee document last week on the Obama health-care plan proposes “lifestyle related revenue raisers.” Lifestyles like drinking beer. This is the “taxing bad behavior” movement. They get to define what’s bad.

The fifth track would be Commander Cody’s 1972 cover of the 1955 “Hot Rod Lincoln.”

Mr. Henninger isn’t hesitate to pin his colors to the antennas of the glorious gas guzzlers that appear to be driving down the road to oblivion:

This tension over how we live arrived before the world began standing on its head over global warming. The guys in the hemi-powered drones used to mock the granola and Birkenstock crowd. Look who’s on top now.

“Everybody wins?” Not quite. What’s winning is a worldview that goes deeper than the data beneath global warming. The gasoline cars they want to turn into scrap were about a lot more than the thrill of roaring on.

The cars and their culture were a manifestation of what made the U.S. really different. The cars, like the country, were big, fast and unfettered. Their drivers were delirious with the possibility of finding something new in life. “It’s a town full of losers, and I’m pullin’ out of here to win!”

When Americans grew up, that’s just what a lot of them did — win. Now, it looks like we’re being asked to throttle down to government-approved survival. They’re even running the car companies, telling them what to build, and then they’ll pay people to buy the product. Save the planet and lose the nation’s heart.

 
Here is Mr. Henninger discussed his thoughts on the Wall Street Journal’s Digital Network.

Everything Newsweek Is Old Again

May 22, 2009 by Frank Gannon | Filed Under Lifestyle, Media, News media | 1 Comment 

In The New Republic, Michael Kinsley, who knows his way around a magazine, dissects the underwhelming new Newsweek.

In his editor’s letter–one of many traditional newsmagazine features that have survived the scythe of change–Jon Meacham says, “We are not pretending to be your guide through the chaos of the Information Age,” which concedes a lot of ground from the get-go. Why not at least pretend? Why else would people pick it up, let alone subscribe? The newsmags face a choice. Actually, they’ve faced it since long before the Internet. Should they try to provide a complete picture of what happened last week? Or should they stop worrying about that and hope to find appeal in trends, service pieces, fine writing, muckraking exposes, provocative argument, and other traditional non-news magazine fare? Whenever they have an existential crisis–and this is not the first–they always make the wrong choice.

Meacham–a very smart and thoughtful guy, which in my experience is not necessarily true of all newsmagazine editors (all two, that is)–actually says that his model is “the great monthlies of old” like Harper’s and Esquire. He says the building blocks of the new Newsweek will be “two kinds of stories”: the “reported narrative” and “the argued essay.” So what’s wrong with that? Well, to start, those grand old monthlies at their primes had a smaller paying readership than Newsweek has at its supposed nadir. So duplicating their greatness could be a pyrrhic victory. Furthermore, while it’s not impossible to get readers by peddling sheer enjoyment, it’s a lot easier to peddle necessity, or at least usefulness: You need this magazine to sort out the world for you and to make sure you haven’t missed anything. In short, you need it to be your guide through the chaos, as Meacham so eloquently describes what he intends to avoid. And when something like the Internet comes along to make the chaos even more chaotic, you need your trusty guide more, not less. Possibly the dumbest slogan ever for a newsmag was one used briefly by Time a few years ago: “Make time for Time.” Make time for Time? Who has that kind of time? If you can convince people that reading Time will save them time, then you may have a deal.

The President At Notre Dame

May 16, 2009 by Robert Nedelkoff | Filed Under American Politics, Barack Obama, California politics, Congress, Culture, Democratic Party, Domestic issues, Election 2008, Lifestyle, Media, Obama administration, Political Philosophy, Presidents, Public Opinion, Religion, Republican Party, Supreme Court, Vice President Biden, economy, education | 1 Comment 

Tomorrow President Obama will receive an honorary degree at the University of Notre Dame, the nation’s quintessential Catholic institution of higher learning, and will deliver an address to the assembled graduates. The invitation extended by the school’s president has stirred considerable controversy (and plenty of vocal protests) because of the President’s espousal of the pro-choice viewpoint on abortion throughout his career. (It has been noted here and there that other pro-choice politicians like New York’s onetime Governor Mario Cuomo and the late Sen. Daniel Patrick Moynihan appeared at previous Notre Dame commencements without much incident. But it may have helped that they were lifelong Catholics, unlike Obama.)

The Chief Executive’s appearance tomorrow is an opportunity for him to extend a conciliatory hand to the large number of Americans who, whether or not they voted for him in November, are not supporters of some of the radical programs being espoused by a considerable number of Democratic-affiliated groups, such as an expansion of legal abortion, decriminalization of marijuana and other drugs, and gay marriage.

It seems to become more evident by the month that when voters sought “change” in voting for Obama and Vice President Biden last month, a substantial percentage of them were mainly concerned with the economy, health care, and perhaps increased opportunity of education, and were not that keen on the other aspects of “change” as defined in the agendas of MoveOn.org or other groups. This would especially apply to voters in the states surrounding the Deep South, large portions of the Catholic electorate, and churchgoing African-American voters nationwide.

In California, the voters in the latter group helped Obama carry the state, but at the same time provided the margin that passed Proposition 8 which reversed the California Supreme Court decision legalizing gay marriage. And it turns out that on abortion, the percentage of voters supporting Roe vs. Wade and the pro-choice line, after peaking during the Clinton years, has steadily been declining, to the point that this week, a Gallup poll revealed that a bare majority of those whose opinion was sampled – 51% – described themselves as “pro-life.”

This strongly indicates that a considerable number of voters – perhaps poised on becoming the majority – would not be looking forward to Al Franken taking his seat in the Senate and locking in a (theoretically) filibuster-proof majority that would then fulfill all the left’s fondest dreams in the social arena.

The events of the last few weeks involving Miss California USA, Carrie Prejean, might prove a harbinger of things to come. A few weeks ago, during the Miss USA pageant, Ms. Prejean, educated at Christian schools, was asked by the online gossip columnist Perez Hilton, one of the pageant’s judges, what her opinion was of gay marriage. The contestant replied that her own view was that marriage could only exist between a man and woman – which is still officially the view of Congress, as expressed in the Defense of Marriage Act, passed by a majority of both parties and signed by President Clinton a decade ago.

Hilton (followed by an avalanche of bloggers and left-leaning pundits) subjected Ms. Prejean to ridicule. But instant polls soon made it clear that most Americans supported her right to express her opinion, and even Gavin Newsom, the San Francisco mayor who spearheaded the legalization of same-sex unions in his city, acknowledged her right to free speech.

Ms. Prejean was then ridiculed as a hypocrite, after some rather mild and fairly tasteful photos of her in an unclad state appeared online. But Donald Trump, owner of the Miss USA pageant, rejected pressure to strip her of her crown, and so in recent days the beauty queen has managed to largely prevail in the court of public opinion.

The way this particular controversy has played out has not been conveniently timed for the supporters of same-sex marriage. As I noted last week in my post “Gay Marriage At The Crossroads,”  the District of Columbia city council just voted to recognize such unions as performed in other states. Under the Home Rule Bill, Congress has a right to challenge this decision – and GOP lawmakers have made it clear that they will pursue this option, which means that in a matter of months each member of Congress will have to vote yes or no on this question.

The issues of abortion, gay marriage, and narcotics delegalization will also be prominent when the President selects a nominee to replace Justice David Souter on the Supreme Court. It seems less and less likely that any thoroughly liberal, MoveOn-approved choice would automatically sail through the Senate.

So I think that the best approach for the President tomorrow is not to mouth a series of platitudes predicated on the idea that his listeners (or the American public in general) will automatically accept all of his positions, but to acknowledge that there are differences of opinion and to express a willingness to work within the Constitution to achieve a consensus that will bridge these differences. If he does that, and follows through, he may considerably improve the chances of his party maintaining control of Congress in 2010. If he pursues a partisan path, however, the GOP – perhaps as early as the Virginia election this year – could be on the comeback trail.

Nails Fails

April 8, 2009 by Frank Gannon | Filed Under Lifestyle, Sports | Leave a Comment 

 The New York Post reports that Lenny Dykstra, the Mets’ once-colorful All Star outfielder, has turned out to be the Bernie Madoff of the national pastime.

 Lenny Dykstra, the once high-flying former Met turned entrepreneur and self-described Wall Street whiz, is at risk of losing his $18 million California mansion and private jet, according to documents and associates.

“He’s been writing bad checks all over town,” one source said.

The private-equity firm Index Investors filed foreclosure papers March 11 on Dykstra’s sprawling Thousand Oaks estate, which he purchased from hockey legend Wayne Gretzky, records show.

Dykstra, a three-time All-Star whose tough, gritty playing style earned him the nickname Nails, did not return calls or e-mails for comment.

The firm gave Dykstra a $850,000 bridge loan in November to help his struggling The Players Club magazine meet expenses. That loan was secured with his mansion, which has been described as the crown jewel of the exclusive Lake Sherwood Country Club Estates in Southern California, the source said.

But Dykstra allegedly missed making payments, which were supposed to begin in January.

Index Investors declined to comment.

Washington Mutual then filed its own notice of default on his $12 million mortgage on March 18.

Meanwhile, Dykstra’s Gulfstream II was impounded in Cleveland on Feb. 12 after a creditor said the ex-slugger failed to pay $228,000 for interior renovations to it. The work mainly involved the installation of a state-of-the-art entertainment system.

Constant Aviation, which is in possession of the jet, declined to comment.

The former center fielder also is targeted in a dozen lawsuits by ex-employees and creditors who say they’ve been stiffed by him.

I remember having some trepidation about pre-interviewing Lenny Dykstra for his booking on Late Night with David Letterman.  His research file, reflecting the public image, prepared me for a cocky, vulgar, lout.  He turned out to be cocky, vulgar, funny, nicely self-deprecating, and a good guest.  

I hadn’t given a thought to him until last year when I read about “baseball’s most improbable post-career success story” in Ben McGrath’s terrific New Yorker profile “Nails Never Fails.”  The portrait of the cocky, frantic, kinetic dude rang true.  And it appeared that, with The Players Club, Lenny Dkystra he had hit on the great idea of depicting, serving, and servicing, the luxurious niche needs of high-end athletes.  He was lionized by Bryant Gumbel on HBO’s Real Sports, and contributed a stock market column to Jim Cramer’s TheStreet.com blog. 

At the same time, Nails’ new hire Kevin Coughlin was seeing the Dykstra empire from the very different perspective of its notably soft underbelly.  He writes about his experiences in this month’s GQ (“You Think Your Job Sucks? Try Working for Lenny Dykstra“).  

If nothing else, the Dykstra debacle has generated some excellent long form reporting.

In the mean time, the next generation is warming up.  Twenty year old Cutter Dykstra —described by The New York Times as “a brad off the old Nails”— is scouted by one Brewers blog,

Cutter should be one of the most exciting prospects to watch in Milwaukee’s organization in 2009.  He plays with the same high-energy approach that made his father, Lenny Dykstra, famous.  His physical maturation is all but complete, as his 5′11″ frame tempers those projections, yet Cutter could become one of the organizations top young outfield prospects if he takes to center field well.  He has good speed and a powerful arm — as evidenced by his four outfield assists in only 39 games — which leads scouts to believe it is only a matter of time before the young man becomes a solid center fielder.

Mr. Geithner’s Demeanor

March 30, 2009 by Frank Gannon | Filed Under American Politics, Economic issues, Lifestyle, News media, Obama administration, economy | Leave a Comment 

Treasury Secretary Geithner finally emerged from his long isolation in his disclosed location and appeared on some of the Sunday morning talk shows. This was a rare opportunity to see and hear him in a relatively unstructured give-and-take series of exchanges, and it provided some clues as to why he has so far presented a less than impressive and confidence-inspiring face to the political and economic leaders with whom he has been dealing.

Part of the problem is that he speaks very fast and rushes his words.  Now, this could be the result of the problem that many smart people have (and there is no question about the man’s smarts) — their brains move faster than their tongues can keep up with.

But that raises another of the Secretary’s communications problems: Much of what he says doesn’t sound very smart.  Many of his answers are patently off-topic and therefore sound (whether or not they are, and I suspect they are) canned.  (His responses to David Gregory’s MTP questions about the AIG bonuses were of the kind to give obtuseness a bad name.)

He also has a nervous habit of repeating and repeating and repeating his interlocutor’s name.   If there were any doubts at the outset that he was being questioned by George Stephanopoulos —on This Week with George Stephanopoulos— they had been put to rest by the time the umpteenth answer had begun with “George,”.  The first couple of times it’s a handy way of personalizing and establishing the immediacy of the moment.  After that it’s the kind of tic that gives rise to drinking games.

But the Secretary’s biggest problem communicationswise is his not infrequent slips into what is semi-officially known as the High Rising Terminal, but which also goes by many differently descriptive names, including “questioning intonation,” “late rising,” and “Sorority Speak.”

This linguistic phenomenon has its own Wikipedia page.

The High Rising Terminal (HRT), also known as uptalk, upspeak or High Rising Intonation (HRI), is a feature of some accents of English where statements have a rising intonation pattern in the final syllable or syllables of the utterance. Empirically, Ladd (1996, pg 123) proposes that HRT in American English and Australian English is marked by a high tone (high pitch or high fundamental frequency) beginning on the final accented syllable near the end of the statement (the terminal), and continuing to increase in frequency (up to 40%) to the end of the intonational phrase. New research such as that conducted by Warren (2005) suggests that the actual rise can occur one or more syllables after the last accented syllable of the phrase, and its range is much more variable than previously thought.
   

“Uptalk” was the subject of a poem by Taylor Mali, which begins:

In case you hadn’t noticed,
it has somehow become uncool
to sound like you know what you’re talking about?
Or believe strongly in what you’re saying?
Invisible question marks and parenthetical (you know?)’s
have been attaching themselves to the ends of our sentences?
Even when those sentences aren’t, like, questions? You know?

HRT was formerly seen as a function of female speech, and especially young female speech (and not just because of Clueless and Heathers), because it is considered to be non-threatening while discouraging interruption.  But it is now acknowledged as a trait that knows no gender or age.  President Bush43 seems to have  increasingly indulged in uptalk — but he was a notoriously hopeless communicator, so there’s cold comfort for Mr. Geithner in that precedent.

For purely Geithnerian purposes, allow me to cut through all the jargon and poetry and lay down the bottom line.  And the bottom line is this: Mr. Geithner’s HIgh Rising Terminal makes him sound like a Valley Girl. If I had a little more time and even less of a life than I do now, I would lay the Treasury Secretary’s voice pattern over that of Jillian, Brian’s Valley girlfriend on Family Guy — and, although I’m not a betting man, I’m betting that there would be many points of similarity.

This kind of locution is increasingly common — particularly among the young uns who are being raised and taught that, in a world where there are no absolutes and nothing is certain, tentativity is the best policy.  But at least here on the East Coast, and at least to people raised in the old school where declarative sentences ended decisively, it still sounds odd and conveys dumb.  

Maybe he was just having a bad day.  Maybe Secretary Geither is like foreigners —  if you wake him up in the middle of the night he will speak without any HRTs.  Otherwise, perhaps he should consider hiring some new communications consultants and a voice coach.  At least they won’t have to be confirmed. 

 

Goodbye To All That

March 6, 2009 by Frank Gannon | Filed Under Lifestyle, Sports | Leave a Comment 

Michael Vick’s incredible Georgia crib is up for sale.  (This is not to be confused with his equally palatial Virginia spread where his well-known nefarious conduct occurred, which is, at least so far, not for sale.)  It’s reported in the Georgia Law Blog and described on  the Deal Watch blog:

As part of a plan to sell his assets to pay off debts, former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick is selling his Sugarloaf mansion.  The sale of the Gwinnett County mansion, along with more houses, cars, yachts, sport-fishing boats, horses and more, was part of a reorganization plan filed on Wednesday in federal bankruptcy court by Vick’s lawyers, Crowell & Moring partners Peter R. Ginsberg and Michael Blumenthal.

Vick is serving a 23-month sentence in federal prison in Kansas for bankrolling a dogfighting ring in rural Virginia. He is scheduled to be released July 20. Although Vick remains on the Atlanta Falcons roster, Falcons owner Arthur Blank has said that he expects Vick will return to the NFL, but not with the Falcons.As part of a plan to sell his assets to pay off debts, former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick i selling his Sugarloaf mansion. The sale of the Gwinnett County mansion, along with more houses, cars, yachts, sport-fishing boats, horses and more, was part of a reorganization plan filed on Wednesday in federal bankruptcy court by Vick’s lawyers, Crowell & Moring partners Peter R. Ginsberg and Michael Blumenthal.

Vick is serving a 23-month sentence in federal prison in Kansas for bankrolling a dogfighting ring in rural Virginia. He is scheduled to be released July 20. Although Vick remains on the Atlanta Falcons roster, Falcons owner Arthur Blank has said that he expects Vick will return to the NFL, but not with the Falcons.

There is a lot of internet chatter about Vick’s ending up on the Redskins roster.  Good luck to —and shame on— any NFL team that signs him up, but that’s another story for another time.

Are Better Angels All Socialists?

February 20, 2009 by David R. Stokes | Filed Under American Politics, Barack Obama, Economic issues, Ethics, Faith, Lifestyle, Money, Religion, economy | Leave a Comment 

G. K. Chesterton used to say that the idea of “original sin” was “a fact as practical as potatoes” and “the only part of Christian theology which can really be proved.”

As the nation-at-large wrestles with monumental problems, there are many who advocate strategies that rely on what is often referred to liberally as “the essential goodness of people.” The idea being that given a fair choice and level playing field people will generally do the right thing.

As Dr. Phil might ask: “How’s that working for you?”

I certainly believe people can rise up and do good things following what President Barack Obama, quoting Abraham Lincoln, is fond of calling our “better angels.” But the truth is that the default position of human behavior actually falls short of the ideal. Various forms of theology explain this propensity in terms of “original sin” or “total depravity” – that we are wired with a spiritual-genetic flaw.

In other words, the very suggestion of the existence of “better angels” in our nature implies other “less-than-better angels” – putting it mildly; or maybe “fallen angels.” The mention of better begs the question: “Better than what?”

Some people will dismiss this kind of thinking as puritanical. But it’s sort of like a paraphrase of that old Marxist line (Groucho, not Karl): Are you going to believe them or your own two eyes? Empirical evidence abounds that people tend to follow paths of least resistance and worse.

We are in this mess now because many people either made unwise choices (rejecting personal responsibility or deferred gratification), or they were manipulated and deceived by predators. Others on a certain street in lower Manhattan exploited everything. All of this while Barney Frank kept an eye on things. Clearly, any angels in attendance weren’t of the “better” variety.

People harm and take advantage of others because it is part of human nature. People pollute the planet because it is part of human nature. People lie, cheat, steal, and commit adultery, because humans (all of us) are sinners. And sometimes a toxic storm is at work in a life and monsters emerge to do despicable things. We are tempted to call them insane, and maybe they are by some psychological standard, but they are also very depraved.

All sins great and small flow from the same polluted human nature stream, whether they are grave and life destroying in our eyes or relatively excusable in today’s “I-did-it-because-I-am-a-victim” world. The lack of integrity that leads some to break a vital covenant and others to commit abhorrent crimes are connected to the same ugly ancestral disorder.

For example, we are witnessing a surge in bank foreclosures and people are losing homes. What is being little noticed though, is that while it is true some have lost jobs and can’t pay, there are cases where some who really could pay have stopped making payments and are deciding to walk away unless the government makes it easier for them. The home is now “less attractive” than it once was as an investment. Some are walking away only because they are upside down – not because they really can’t pay.

Stay tuned taxpayers. Keep your eyes on the funds and mechanisms as they become available to help people catch up on, or renegotiate, mortgages. I predict that some people will still simply choose to walk away, in spite of help available, because their homes just won’t be worth it in their eyes. In many cases, it may be more about the value of a home than the ability to pay.

Won’t it be interesting if money to help some people “stay in their homes” winds up going unused because, when it comes right down to it, they don’t really want to stay after all? Is being behind on payments the big problem (certainly it is for some), or is being upside down the big deal? There is a difference between catching up and getting out from under.

Upside down may be becoming an excuse to move from inside out.

In many places there is a scenario called “buy and bail.” This is where someone buys a new – cheaper – home, while still in the original dwelling. Then once the deal is done – they walk away from the first, more expensive home. Admittedly, this practice is not widespread now, largely because some states have cracked down on it.

What we do know is this, when homes go empty for whatever reason it hurts everyone who is trying to really play by the rules and keep their word. Upside down/walk away homes on an already depressed market contribute to the downward spiral of home values and prices – damaging those who believe that when they signed the mortgage they made not only a financial commitment, but a moral one as well.

If liberal-bail-out-advocates really believe in the “greater good” and “spreading the wealth,” they might want to consider that the wealth they want to redistribute is actually disappearing because of the “help” they are providing. People who made bad choices in the first place are being encouraged to continue doing things that hurt everyone. How is this about the greater good?

While we are trying to figure all this out, we meet a lady named Nadya Suleman. She recently gave birth to eight children. She’s been all over the news and now we hear she is looking at a new million-dollar-plus-pad for her growing family. I haven’t figured out whether she is a caricature or a metaphor. Maybe she’s both.

Of course, the Suleman story is objectionable and infuriating to us on so many levels because she clearly seems to be deranged. Or maybe she is just depraved. Maybe she is a manipulative, scheming, deceiver, who is thinking only of self. I am not trying to bash the lady – that line is really too long.

After all, if OctoMom, as she has been dubbed, is indeed trying to “work the system” with the mother of all scams (literally), is she really all that different from many others right now? I’m talking about those who are already slowing down on the personal responsibility side of things because we have a cool new government in place ready to stimulate all of us. Nadya Suleman may be more like the not-too-distant future of America than we might care or dare to admit.

Here’s where “original sin” comes in. Like it or not, we all bear a moral-DNA similarity to OctoMom, in the sense that we have this natural propensity to be selfish and deceitful. It is only as this part of us is restrained (by law, fear, inspiration, or love) or transformed (by grace – or, if you prefer, “a higher power”), that we can function in any effective social-contract sense.

Russian novelist Fyodor Dostoevsky said, “If there is no God, everything is permissible.”

There is a lot of talk these days about America becoming socialist and more like Europe. What needs to be noticed is that these trends not only have to do with the size and role of government, but also speak about a culture moving toward dominant secularism and sterile religion.

I ate at a restaurant the other day in Manhattan. It was in a beautiful building that had once been a thriving church. It was a church; now it is an eatery. Then I thought about how so many of the churches in Europe function basically as museums, if at all. Is this where we are headed?

One of the basic differences between socialism and capitalism as they manifest themselves in social, cultural, political, and even religious senses, is that the former believes in the essential goodness of humanity. On the other hand, capitalism tends to be more realistic about basic human nature and works to channel that “self-interest” in ways that can lead to something better for everyone.

Of course, human nature is at fault in runaway capitalism and the excesses of a few can be detrimental to many. This is why very few conservatives these days advocate a radical form of laissez-faire capitalism. Human nature will take advantage and there have to be times of balance, judgment, adjustment, and reckoning.

Somebody does have to watch the store. But the store should be privately owned.

The thing Americans need to be thinking through these days is, however, what system has a better overall record? Is it really better in France, Sweden, or Denmark than America today? Do we really want to admire nations where people surrender significantly more than half of what they earn to a government in exchange for state-run services that are chronically insufficient, incompetent, and impersonal?

If so, then we need to be fair and concede that, as Pogo might have put it, we have met Nadya Suleman and she is our future.

The Obamas’ New Souperman

January 29, 2009 by Frank Gannon | Filed Under Lifestyle, Obama family, White House | Leave a Comment 

The Chicago Sun-Times reports that Sam Kass has been named an assistant White House chef.  The 28-year-old  will work under Cristeta Comerford, the Executive Mansion’s newly-appointed executive chef.

The Chicago born Mr. Kass graduated from the University of Chicago.  He trained at a Michelin-starred restaurant in Europe and worked at the fashionable Avec in the West Loop.  In a classic example of doing well by doing good, he set up as a private chef and founded the highly successful Inevitable Table — a business that delivered fresh-cooked nutritious meals based on the best local produce to, let’s get real, the homes of people who could afford them.  

The Obamas were among that fortunate clientele, and Mr. Kass’ services continued and expanded during the campaign and will now continue in the White House.

The Inevitable Table’s website seems to have closed down, but USA Today printed a sample week’s menu.  Mr. Kass’ goal was to enable  “a health lifestyle that focuses on the quality and flavor of food to encourage good eating habits.”

Monday

SALAD — Citrus Salad with fennel, oranges and grapefruit, orange vin
MAIN COURSE — Seared Diver scallops, Middle Eastern couscous and pecans, cavolo nero

Tuesday
SALAD — Mixed greens with radishes, endive and pepito, Riesling vin
MAIN COURSE — Ancho chili rubbed pork loin, rapini and polenta
KIDS — Spagetti with tomato sauce, broccoli
JUICE — Apple-Grape; Carrot Ginger

Wednesday
SALAD — Simple salad of mixed baby greens, radiccio, radishes and shaved fennel with a James Balsamic vinegrette
MAIN COURSE — Braised chicken in maderia with root vegetables and prunes, Himalayan red rice, and sautéed escarole with pine nuts
JUICE — Ginger Carrot; Orange

Thursday
SALAD — Arugula salad, carrots, radishes, almonds, honey Dijon vin
MAINCOURSE — Whole-wheat pasta, soffrito, cauliflower, escarole, currents, pine nuts, green olives, ricotta solata, proscuitto

Friday
SALAD — Frisee salad, cashews, pickled red onions, apples
MAINCOURSE — Thyme and lemon marinated roasted chicken, Swiss chard, fingerling potatoes in persillade
JUICE — Apple Fennel; Carrot Apple

Chef Kass headed the kitchen at the Jane Addams Hull-House Museum when that distinguished institution was re-examining its legacy as a soup kitchen with a series of conferences called Rethinking Soup.  At weekly luncheons in Hull House’s Dining Hall (where Upton Sinclair wrote The Jungle) food activists and policy-makers joined the House’s residents to chow down on lunches of Kass-prepared soup and organic bread and talk about nutrition and public policy.

“For the breadth of human history, the poor have always been the face of starvation,” Mr. Kass said.  “In contemporary America, not only is there an unconscionable amount of people [who] remain hungry, there’s even a larger population, mostly poor, who are faced with obesity, diabetes and various other problems from overabundance.”

The New York Times reprints the text of Chef Kass’ speech.  And if the above menu still has your gastic juices flowing, you may want to check out some of his soup recipes (more Chicken Green Garlic Soup with Grilled Asparagus for anyone?) here.

Obama: Flinty Toughness For Capital’s Snowweenies

January 28, 2009 by Frank Gannon | Filed Under Barack Obama, Lifestyle | 1 Comment 

After experiencing a light dusting of snow and some freezing rain, Washington and its environs are pretty much shut down for the second day.  President Obama had some wry comments for reporters regarding this town’s inability to cope with more than a few snowflakes.

After his daughters got a snow day Wednesday, President Barack Obama wants to see a little bit of “flinty, Chicago toughness” applied locally.

“When it comes to the weather, folks in Washington don’t seem to be able to handle things,” a joking Obama told reporters Wednesday morning.

“My children’s school was canceled today because of what? Some ice.”

Obama said his daughters — Malia, 10, and Sasha, 7 — pointed out that school in Chicago is never canceled.

“In fact, my 7-year-old pointed out that you’d go out for recess. You wouldn’t even stay indoors,” Obama says.

“We’re going to have to try some flinty, Chicago toughness to this town.”

Mauling Paul Blart Misses The Point

January 28, 2009 by Frank Gannon | Filed Under Comedy, Entertainment, Lifestyle, Movies | Leave a Comment 

In today’s WAPO Hank Steuver stylishly reflects —”America Asks: But Is It Blart?“— on the unexpected success of Paul Blart: Mall Cop.  PB:MC is the latest product of Adam Sandler’s Happy Madison empire.

The critics either dismissed it or drubbed it; and the people love it.  What’s up with that?

There are many reasons for the phenomenon —including the number of screens, the fact that it’s a PG-13 family flick, etc.— but Steuver digs deeper to discover why, in just ten days, PB:MC made more than  Slumdog Millionaire and Milk combined.

The movie takes place in a mall where there’s still a Sharper Image and plenty of happy Black Friday consumers. In Paul Blart’s world (the film was shot on location in two Massachusetts malls), there is no Great Recession, and the mall is still vital, important — a noble center of communal life. People are still spending. “Paul Blart: Mall Cop” also has a knowing underpinning of snark about the mall: Our hero falls in love with a woman who sells hair extensions at a kiosk called “Unbe-Weave-able.” The employees hang out at a chain restaurant and sing karaoke.

At times the movie almost takes on a documentary hue, a social study, a portrait of who we are. But not too much. It’s a recession movie. It’s what Laurel & Hardy did in the 1930s. Come in, America, and forget. It requires all the thought of a “Tom and Jerry” cartoon, but like a “Tom and Jerry” cartoon there is more to see, if you squint, if you think. Explaining it is like explaining dada.

Critics snubbed it, if they reviewed it at all. The Washington Post, like many others, relegated a review of “Paul Blart: Mall Cop” to a brief 314 words on Page 32 of the Weekend section, in which the critic who saw it, and loathed it, said she would recommend watching “Paul Blart: Mall Cop” only on cable TV — if and only if the viewer was lying sick and could not physically reach the remote control. (In other words, “Paul Blart: Mall Cop” is a film for the comatose.)

Here you have the essential divide between art and commerce. Living in a country that makes “Paul Blart” the top movie two weeks in a row is like realizing how many people think crotchless lingerie is sexy, that stretch Hummers are appropriate things to have when you’re feeling special. Taste is fraught.

“Paul Blart: Mall Cop” goes away the minute you walk out and breathe fresh air. What was it about? What’s the takeaway? We would type “America, go see ‘Paul Blart’ ” here, but guess what? America already has, and for whatever reason, loved it, without shame.

The Way We Live Now

January 10, 2009 by Frank Gannon | Filed Under Lifestyle, Public Opinion, Technology | Leave a Comment 

A British government survey — reported today in The Independent and many other papers— asked  2,584 adults to name the inventions they regarded as the most important and the most irritating.  By a clear margin, the winner (or loser as you look at it) in the irritating sweepstakes was the karaoke machine.  The idea that the karaoke machine beat the cellphone and the BlackBerry makes one wonder exactly what’s going on over there in the UK.

Invented in 1971 by a Japanese musician called Inoue Daisuke, karaoke – which means “empty orchestra” – gained immense popularity in Asia before spreading to the rest of the world in the 1980s. Daisuke never patented his invention, which he made by combining a car stereo, a coin box and an amplifier, saying that it had simply never occurred to him to call such a product his intellectual property. Estimates suggest he lost out on a potential fortune of $150m.

Incidentally, I can state, from personal experience and observation, that one particular Briton —Mr. Christopher Hitchens— is indisputably the King of Karaoke.  I’m not exactly sure what brings that fact to mind; perhaps it’s that many people find Mr. Hitchens both useful and irritating.

The Top 10 Most Irritating Inventions are:

1 Karaoke machine 
 
2 24 hoursports channel 
 
3 Video games consoles 
 
4 Mobile phone 
 
5 Alarm clock 
 
6 Hair straighteners 
 
7 Internet 

8 Personal electronic organizer
 
9 MP3 player 

10 Remote control 

The survey was occasioned by the tenth anniversary of the invention of the smoke detector (by two Americans).  That fact may have skewed the results, although the machine’s worthiness can’t be doubted.

The top 10 Most Useful Inventions in the survey are:

1 Smoke alarm 

2 Seat Belt 

3 Baby Seat 

4 Airbag

5 Burglar alarm

6 Asthma inhaler

7 Defibrillator

8 Life jacket

9 Cycle helmet

10 Personal attack alarm

 

No Use For Enchantment

January 8, 2009 by Frank Gannon | Filed Under Culture, Lifestyle | Leave a Comment 

A recent study of 3,000 British parents reveals that traditional fairy tales have been tossed on the ash heap of history lest they unsettle the young uns. 

Rapunzel was considered “too dark” and Cinderella has been dumped amid fears she is treated like a slave and forced to do all the housework.

One in 10 said Snow White should be re-named because “the dwarf reference is not PC”.

Almost 20 per cent of adults said they refused to read Hansel and Gretel because the children were abandoned in a forest – and it may give their own sons and daughters nightmares.

A fifth did not like to read The Gingerbread Man as he gets eaten by a fox.

The result: while two-thirds of the responding parents said that traditional fairytales had stronger morality messages than many modern children’s stories, one quarter of mothers now rejected the classics. So much for Bruno Bettelheim.

The most-read bedtime story was Eric Carle’s The Very Hungry Caterpillar (1969).  The Top Ten most-read list also included Winnie the Pooh and The Wind in the Willows (remember this is an English survey).  The only classic to survive the cut was Robert Southey’s Goldilocks and the Three Bears (1827).

These PC parents should show some empathy and acknowledge that it isn’t all about them and their now-unruffled offspring.  Fairy tales weren’t exactly a walk in the park for their participants.  For example, the princely brothers who were pursuing Cinderella and Rapunzel.

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